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Inevitably, there are spoilers here, but I’ve tried to keep them to a minimum in the review half, enough that you could read it and still enjoy and be surprised by the film. However, by necessity, the game half spoils the film much more thoroughly. Read with care. Thanks!
What is it? The Car, directed by Elliot Silverstein, written by Michael Butler, Dennis Shryack, and Lane Slate, and starring James Brolin, Kathleen Lloyd, Ronny Cox and John Marley.
First viewing? No. Last seen approximately 2010, or at least pre-Letterboxd.
What’s it about? A mysterious black Lincoln Continental drives down from the rocky hills of Utah and begins to run people over for no reason. The aptronymically-named Wade Parent (James Brolin), a small town deputy sheriff, must attempt to keep his kids, his schoolteacher girlfriend Lauren (Kathleen Lloyd), and his fellow officers safe while figuring out how to destroy the self-piloting, seemingly-indestructible sedan.
This is kind of like a composite of Jaws’s dune fence and Chrissy’s hand.
What are your thoughts about it? After 1975, if you were high on Jaws and looking to extend your fix, you had your pick of ripoffs to choose from: obvious aquatic variants like Piranha and Barracuda, or those of the mammalian variety, like Grizzly or Snowbeast. But there was only one that dared to imagine a killing machine that lurked on the streets and was so dangerous, even your private residence was no longer safe: Saturday Night Live’s “Land Shark” sketch. Oh, and The Car.
The Car isn’t very good. A movie like this should do for roads what Jaws did for the ocean, and it just never gets there. (Sorry.) On the surface, it makes all the right moves. The film attempts to present characters with lives as opposed to cardboard cut-out victims. Wade is concerned how his relationship with Lauren affects his kids, John Marley’s sheriff is in love with the abused wife of a local blasting contractor who conveniently owns a truck full of explosives. Wade’s best friend is a recovering alcoholic who falls off the wagon when the Car begins claiming victims. One of the deputies is an Indigenous American with roots in the community and subject to the racism of the dynamite salesman.
Yet all this character work never feels like an organic part of the film, but more like styrofoam packing peanuts. Despite all the detail provided, these people never seem particularly real, not only because of the declarative, to-the-cheap-seats emoting, but because they never do or say anything that suggests a unique point of view. It’s all just killing time. Furthermore, the indigenous deputy subplot turns on one of those noxious clichés, where the minority and the racist find mutual respect for each other; worse, the dynamite salesman wins the deputy’s respect for the brave act of simply having dynamite.
Ugh.
No, The Car isn’t very good, but once we remove the characters from the equation, The Car is also… kind of awesome? If Elliot Silverstein can’t compete with Spielberg, he can at least fall back on the concept of a demonic car terrorizing people. Notably, Silverstein finds land analogues for most of Jaws’s scenes. The opening, which sees The Car kill a pair of bicyclists, mirrors Chrissie’s death, and the scene where it attacks a school parade is the film’s version of the many beach scenes. The Car doesn’t have an iconic fin, but Silverstein makes up for this by including a number of shots with someone in the foreground and the distant horizon in the background, asking us to scan the frame for the impending arrival of the Car. Then there’s the POV shots (from an amber-tinted windshield), and the Car’s distinctive blaring horn, the audio corollary to John William’s classic theme. All of this is fun, but there’s one moment that makes the whole thing worth the price of admission. About halfway through the movies, two cop cars play chicken with the Car in order to force it off the road. In response, the Car does what I can only describe as car-fu, somehow tumbling sideways at the oncoming police, destroying them, and then landing back on four wheels with no change in momentum. It’s delightfully absurd, and if the film never re-attains this height, at least it got there once.
Smile you son of a—
Probably the best thing about The Car, though, is philosophical. There is absolutely no explanation for the Car’s existence and motive. There are hints of a demonic origin, but nothing more than that. If it were made today, there is a 100% chance that the Car would be, at least metaphorically, connected to a weakness the hero has to overcome, or the town’s sins, or something like that. The film dances around this possibility — Wade is suggested to be a non-believer or agnostic, and that the Car’s existence challenges his preconceptions. Magnificently, though, nothing is made of it. The Car is completely inexplicable, a thing that simply happens.
Faith vs. disbelief? Nope, just guy vs. car.
How many stars out of five? Two and a half.
Where can I stream it? As of this writing1, it’s available to purchase or rent from Amazon, YouTube, DirecTV, Google Play, Vudu, and Microsoft Store.
What can we take from it? I’m probably not looking in the right places, but I don’t see enough car combat in rpgs. (That’s probably the old Car Wars player in me talking.) Nonetheless, having a creature like the Car in an adventure opens up the game up to some unusual and unique experiences.
As seen in the movie, being inside a building is no guarantee of safety when the Car is on the streets. The characters will likely need to retreat to higher floors, if they exist. Retreating is an excellent first move, but the Car doesn’t eat or sleep, and can outwait any victims, potentially starving them. Moving from building to building could be a dangerous game of cat and mouse. Remember, The Car is just Jaws2 on land; anything the shark did to the Orca, the Car can do the first floor of a building.
Don’t build your house in the middle of a major highway. It’s not worth it.
Escaping should be an option, but if all the PCs are in one vehicle, that could be difficult. Most vehicles are less than level 5, giving the Car a big advantage, and it can’t have any of its systems targeted, taking away one of the PCs tools against it. If one character gets the Car to chase them, the others should be able to get away easily. For now.
The Car is one tough customer. However, there are options. One thing to remember is to take into account the Car’s speed. Unlike a person on the ground, who can turn ninety degrees on a dime if necessary, the Car cannot change direction easily unless it moving slowly. (And if it does so, it opens itself up to an eased attack.) Otherwise, it needs at least one round to reorient itself for the next attack. It’s possible that players will try to whittle the Car’s health to zero, but this is, I feel, anti-climactic. If they insist on this path, let them follow it, but don’t feel obligated to make it easy for them. (Don’t feel bad about using GM Intrusions to take away their ammo.) At the very least, the Car will realize what’s going on and back off to regroup. Instead, encourage them to come up with an outrageous, Scooby-Doo-esque multipart plan, particularly involving hallowed ground, and then let them execute it. If there’s a chance that their plan will work, let them spend the points and roll to score a victory.
THE CAR (CREATURE)
Level: 5 (While speeding, 18+ on a d20 to hit it, 18+ to avoid being hit. While slow, 12+ to hit it, 12+ to avoid being hit. While halted, 9+ to hit it, 9+ to avoid being hit [door attack only])
Description: The Car is a black 1971 Lincoln Continental Mark III, with smoky opaque windows and a noticeable lack of door handles. The roof is shorter than normal, as if to suggest that the passenger interior is unnecessary. The front of the car has two sets of thick silver bumpers, and a rectangular grill between two small headlights. When seen during the terror of an attack, it’s almost like an evil face taking pleasure in killing.
Motive: Based on its actions, kill good people or people who mock it.
Environment: Can be found nearly anywhere; the Car has no problem crossing unchallenging terrain if there are no roads.
Health: 20
Damage Inflicted: 6
Armor: 6; heavy weapons can’t damage it without effort. Also, the Car cannot have any of its systems targeted; such is the benefit of being Not From This World.
Movement: Each round, the Car is either speeding, slow, or halted. If it’s speeding, it can cross a very long distance in one round. If it’s slow, it can cross a long distance in one round. If halted, it cannot move.
Modifications: Attacks on the Car are hindered if it’s speeding, eased if it’s slow, or eased by two steps if halted. Defense tasks against the Car’s ramming attacks are hindered if it’s speeding, and eased if it’s slow. It cannot try to ram while halted, but it can use a door attack (see below).
The Car cannot enter hallowed ground, like a cemetery or a church. If it can be somehow forced or tricked onto hallowed ground, it takes 4 damage (bypassing Armor) every round until it leaves or is destroyed.
Combat: The Car will usually attempt to attack by ramming into targets. However, if it’s speeding, it may need a round to position itself for another attack. If it’s moving slowly, it can still ram, but it can also attempt to attack by flinging its door open at a target. If it’s stopped, it can use the door attack if it can lure a target in range. The door does 6 damage. If it is inside a small area, it can create a cloud of carbon monoxide exhaust to suffocate all targets within the space. After 1-3 rounds, all characters still in the area must hold their breath and make Might defense task rolls every round, with the task hindered each round after the first. Failure indicates the character passes out and takes 6 damage each round until removed from the area.
Furthermore, if the Car rams a lower-level vehicle operated by an NPC, that vehicle is automatically destroyed.
Interaction: The Car is intelligent; it knows who its enemies are, and it knows when it’s being mocked. It can hunt down its victims. It seems reasonable that, should it want to, it could communicate with humans. However, it usually prefers to just run them over.
Use: The Car needs no set up, no foreshadowing. It appears wherever the PCs are, on the outskirts of a town or city, on the horizon of the countryside, and begins its murder spree. If the PCs aren’t alerted to its presence, it will find them soon enough.
Loot: Although the Car had no apparent loot in the film, it wouldn’t be surprising if it had 1d3 cyphers inside it, a single artifact… or something far, far worse.
GM Intrusion: After The Car hits a character, they get their clothing caught on the bumper or the wheel well, and are dragged a long distance, taking 6 damage and moved away from any companions.
THE DYNAMITE TRUCK (CYPHER - MANIFEST)
Level: 1d6+4
Effect: The user has access to a truck that contains crates of dynamite. The dynamite can be removed and placed to explode. (Cruel GMs can call for a Speed task to keep from the dropping the dynamite or catching it if it falls.) Alternatively, the truck can be driven into a target to cause an explosion. Either way, the dynamite does its level x2 in damage to all characters in immediate range and its level in damage to all characters in short range. (Forgiving GMs can call for a Speed task for PCs to make a heroic leap to safety in slow-motion as an enormous orange and yellow fireball billows behind them.) Once the dynamite has been used, the truck, assuming it still exists, is no longer available to use by the character; it is returned to its rightful owner, breaks down, is repossessed, stolen, etc.
Car style is immensely strong, and immune to nearly any weapon. When properly used, it’s almost invincible.
Originally published 11/12/21 on Substack
